History
Monday, August 04, 2003
Let us look, for a moment, on what has transpired. O not in the heady, thunder-cloud days of the near past, but in the distant mists. Far from here, far from all this there was once... A baby, which seemed to hold in its little hand the crux of this little world of mine. And I said yes to the baby, yes to her mother. This was amazing, wonderful, all that I'd been wishing for in that tiny little world in which I lived. Then emerged complete bliss when mother and child and father were together. This was in the midst of chaos, distrust, loss, many things and yet we were US. I found happiness in holding, strolling, talking, cooking, changing, writing. These things remained for years. I was happy. I did my best to show it. I saw no shadows encroaching, merely challenges and obstacles for our little family to overcome. And our family grew. A second daughter, and a third. Each with her own added dimension to "my little world" which consisted of both joy and challenge. And I remained happy. Then came unhappiness. We found distance between us. This was voluntary, with no enmity between us. But unhappiness found us just the same. In two years we managed to destroy what we'd been building for the preceeding four. Distrust, loss, confusion, anger, all this and more began to concentrate. Now, nearly seven years from that simple, pure beginning, there is nothing but anger and loneliness. No solution presents itself. I seek the solution. I fear the solution for it may be the one I am beginning to expect. I am hardly comforted by the knowlege that I can carry on in the face of any result. The thought makes me sad, lonely once again, though I haven't experienced that feeling in what feels like ages.
Page 1 of 1 pages